Bernard Cribbins - Hole in the ground
As I have had a few visitors lately who were looking for the lyrics to Bernard Cribbin’s Hole in the ground, here they are:
There I was, a-digging this hole
Hole in the ground, so big and sort of round it was
And there was I, digging it deep
It was flat at at the bottom and the sides were steep
When along comes this bloke in a bowler which he lifted and scratched his head
Well he looked down the hole, poor demented soul and he said
Do you mind if I make a suggestion?
Don’t dig there, dig it elsewhere
Your digging it round and it ought to be square
The shape of it’s wrong, it’s much much too long
And you can’t put hole where a hole don’t belong
I ask, what a liberty eh?
Nearly bashed him right in the bowler
Well there was I, stood in me hole
Shovelling earth for all that I was worth I was
And there was him, standing up there
So grand and official with his nose in the air
So I gave him a look sort of sideways and I leaned on me shovel and sighed
Well I lit me a fag and having took a drag I replied
I just couldn’t bear, to dig it elsewhere
I’m digging it round cos I don’t want it square
And if you disagree it doesn’t bother me
That’s the place where the holes gonna be
Well there we were, discussing this hole
Hole in the groud so big and sort of round it was
It’s not there now, the ground’s all flat
And beneath it is the bloke in the bowler hat
And that’s that
For those of you from outside the UK, at some point I’ll put an audio version back on the site. I got both sets of lyrics from posts on a lyric forum and corrected the first set while listening to the song.
While I’m at it, I might as well do his more well known song, Right said Fred:
Right said Fred, both of us together, one each end and steady as we go
Tried to to shift it, couldn’t even lift it, we was getting nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea
Right said Fred, give a shout to Charlie, up comes Charlie from the floor below
After straining, heaving and complaining, we was getting nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea
Charlie had a think and he thought we ought, to take off all the handles
And the things that hold the candles, but it did no good, well I never thought it would
Right said Fred, have to take the feet off, to get them feet off wouldn’t take a mo
Took it’s feet off, even with the seat off, should got us somewhere but no
So Fred said let’s have another cup of tea and we said right-o
Right said Fred, have to take the door off, need more space to shift the so and so
Had bad twinges taking off the hinges, and it got us nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea
Right said Fred, have to take the wall down, that there wall is gonna have to go
Took the wall down, even with it all down, we was getting nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea
Charlie had a think and he said look Fred, I’ve got a sort of feeling
If we remove the ceiling, with a rope or two we can drop the blighter though
Right said Fred, climbing up a ladder, with his crowbar gave a mighty blow
Was he in trouble, half a ton of rubble, landed on the top of his dome
So Charlie and me had another cup of tea and then we went home
I’ll said to Charlie we’ll just have to leave it standing on the landing that’s all
You see the trouble with Fred is he’s too hasty
Now you never get nowhere if you’re too hasty.