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04/05/2003: "The biggest threat to Humanity!"

Large white cars! Yes, you read that correctly. In my time in this country I have found that the drivers of large white cars are more dangerous than the most evil, gun-toting crack-heads! They tend to be old enough to remember when the Vikings first landed here. These people should be confined to their beds in the secure wing of the institutions that they call home. We have just had another 6 inches of snow, so why is it that these senile weapons of moving destruction choose to drive vehicles that are perfectly camoflaged for a large part of the year at a variety of speeds, none of them remotely close to the other traffic? If they would use their lights, at least we could see where they are heading! It would seem that they are frightened to use signals because that could wear out the bulb, causing them to spend money that they planned to use to go see their younger relatives in Florida!
If you happen to be a fossil driver reading this, please go get your car painted in black and yellow stripes thereby making your great-grandchildrens World a safer place!
Oh, and could you please try to read the signs alongside the road? They will tell you about the speed and direction that everybody else is aiming for.

May I just say that although my Mother-In-Law drives a white car, it is not very big and she is not any where near being considered a fossil! Maybe the exception that proves the rule?